Follow-Up Friday - No Complaint Challenge

Follow-Up Fridays are back! Well, sort of... This week, I'm focusing on the first few days of my "No Complaint" challenge. I'm still on-board, still excited, and still hopeful that I'll reach my goal of 21 straight days complaint-free by the end of 2010.

I've gotten funny looks and lots of questions since I started the challenge. Mostly, conversations start out with people asking me what my bracelet is for. (I'm actually wearing my bright orange "Stellan Will Live!" bracelet until my purple challenge bracelet arrives in the mail...) When I explain my goal, people's eyes go wide. When I clarify that "not complaining" also includes not criticizing and not gossiping, their jaws hit the floor. I think everyone realizes that this is a "challenging" challenge.

So, how have the first few days gone? Good news: I don't complain nearly as much as I thought I did! Yay! Not-so-good news: I am way more critical and sarcastic that I thought I was. Ugh... Instead of actually complaining about something that bothers me, I tend to make snarky comments. Normally, people will laugh at these comments, so I guess in my mind, it's "a sense of humor," rather than complaining. Well, that's not the kind of humor I was to have.

I've found myself switching my bracelet from wrist-to-wrist around 16 times a day. My first day was pretty good at 12 - yesterday, I lost count after 18. In the spirit of the challenge, if I think that something might qualify as complaining, gossiping, or criticizing, I switch my bracelet. I'm not going to develop a good habit by trying to justify my comments to myself.

The thing that most people say when I tell them that I'm trying not to complain is that it seems like I'm just laying down and taking whatever is thrown at me. I'm reminded of a scene from the Simpson's (I think it might have even been in the Simpson's Movie) when Lisa tells Marge that she's so angry, and Marge replies (paraphrased) that "We're women and we just keep everything bottled up inside." Thankfully, Will Bowen addresses this in his book. Making the decision to not complain doesn't mean that you sit down and take it (whatever "it" is). There are times when a situation is unjust and needs to be changed, but this can be accomplished without complaining, per se. The idea is that you look for a solution to the issue, determine whom you must speak with to effect change, and then have a conversation with that person regarding what sort of change you'd like to see. Instead of just griping about it ("It was so unfair. I was so angry."), you make the decision to take action to improve it.

I've also had people tell me that complaining is healthy. Um, no. Complaining is negative, and nothing negative is going to help you. Instead of complaining about a situation, the healthy response is to share your feelings about that situation. "I can't believe that awful woman yelled at me!" is very different from "I felt embarrassed and hurt when I was reprimanded in front of my co-workers. It made me feel small and like an undervalued part of the team." If you say the first statement, what's going to happen? The person you're talking to is going to commiserate with you and agree that the woman is awful, horrible, etc. So where are you? Sitting with someone, engaging in negative feelings regarding someone else. If you say the second statement, what is the other person going to say? They'll agree that it was sad that you were yelled at in front of others and then, most likely, tell you what a valuable part of the team your are. So where are you then? Sitting with someone who understands your feelings and being told that you are valuable and valued. Where would you rather be?

Just because I'm trying to give up my bad habits does not mean that I'm planning to turn into a doormat. But I will try to change my outlook. You're going to deal with people who are not happy and who want you to be unhappy, too. You are going to be tempted to join in and criticize, gossip, and complain. But you have to remember that "like attracts like." If you make the conscious decision to be a positive person who takes concrete steps to fix problems and watches the words that come out of your mouth, you'll find yourself surrounded by people who think positively, too.