Can I Be "Complaint Free"?

There has been something weighing heavily on my mind lately. I realized that I've become a complainer. I flatter myself that I'm not like this all the time, but I have to wonder if I'm looking at myself through rose-colored glasses, and maybe I don't turn my complaining on and off like I think I do. I complain at work, and then I'll relay those complaints for Carey, my sister, my parents - basically, whoever will listen. I'll get upset about something with Carey, and I'll share those feelings with family, co-workers, friends - once again, whoever will listen.

This week, I realized how this attitude affects my life, and it was my trash can that taught me an important message. On Saturday, I was doing some baking that involved eggs. I threw the empty shells into the garbage can and didn't give it a second thought. When I woke up on Sunday morning, I noticed that, when I opened the garbage can to throw something out, it kinda stunk. But, it wasn't too bad and the odor seemed to be under control so long as the lid was closed. That afternoon, I did some more baking and Carey grilled some chicken. Needless to say, by the end of the day, the garbage can stunk pretty bad, whether the lid was opened or closed. On Monday morning, I noticed that the corner of the kitchen where the garbage can is was not very pretty smelling, and by the time I got home from work on Monday night, I could smell the garbage right when I walked in the kitchen. Thankfully, Carey takes out the trash on Monday night. The odor started disappearing immediately after he removed the offending (and offensive) bag, and a quick spray of the trash can with Lysol completely relieved us of our disgusting garbage can smell.

What does this have to do with my "complaining problem"? Everything. My complaints leave a bad smell in my life. At first, it's not very noticeable. But eventually, the odor starts to spread until you can smell it everywhere. And it's not something that you can get rid of easily - you have to remove the offensive items and do a thorough scrubbing before you can get rid of the "stink."

Well, I've decided that I need to get rid of my "stink." I don't want the fact that I complain about things that happen at work to affect my life at home. I don't want the fact that my relationships with family and friends sometimes encounter difficulties to affect the way I spend my hours at work. I can't turn my complaining on and off like a switch, so I need to remove the switch so complaining just isn't an option.

You may remember from this post that I gave up complaining for Lent. It was definitely hard, and I stumbled, but I was able to do an "okay" job with this resolution. But, as soon as Easter had passed, I'm afraid that I fell into the familiar trap of "venting" (which is, after all, just a really nice way to say that you're complaining). This time, I'm not planning to change for 40 days, I'm planning to change for good.

Is this going to be easy? No way. So, I looked for help. Enter Will Bowen and A Complaint Free World. I visited the website, I'm reading the book, and I'm taking the 21-day challenge to remove complaining, criticizing, and gossiping from my life.

The premise of the program, which is spelled out in Bowen's book, is that it takes 21 days to change a habit. If you want to make exercise a part of your life, doing so for 21 straight days will form a "habit" and exercise will become part of your life. If you want to cut out alcohol, abstain from drinking for 21 days and you'll find that you just don't have the desire for alcohol, thereby dropping the habit. This program states that refraining from complaining, criticizing, and gossiping for 21 days will cut that bad habit out of your life. Bowen states that for most people, it will take between 4 and 8 months to actually go for 21 days without complaining. He suggests wearing a bracelet (or using some other reminder) that you can move every time you complain. My copy of A Complaint Free World and my purple reminder bracelet are on their way, so in the meantime I'm using another bracelet to keep track of my slips.

So, today was Day 1. I've already switched my bracelet about 8 times. Sometimes it was because I complained. Once it was because I laughed when someone else made a comment about a person not in the room (which is as good as gossiping). Twice it was because I made sarcastic comments about emails that had arrived in my inbox. This is hard. (Oh wait, was that a complaint??? Switch number 9...) But I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it because I want to be happy. I want to have the "odor" that pervades from me to be sweet smelling, not disgusting. I want my daughter to grow up in a home where her mother is a constant source of joy and kind words. I want my husband to come home to smiles and funny stories. So, I'm turning over a new leaf. I'm prepared for it to take a while, and I'm prepared for it to be difficult. But I'll be checking in on the blog from time to time, so I hope that you'll all help keep me honest and encourage me in this new venture.